Saturday, May 23, 2009

Car Doors

If you have a car door, be careful. I have had this door for almost 2 1/2 years and out of the blue it hit me in the face. It could have been my super nice, expensive, sunglasses that is was trying to destroy but they where only slightly bent while my face was completely destroyed. I have 4 other car doors including the tailgate and so far they have been nothing but kind to me. I know I shouldn't let one bad door effect the way I interact with car doors but now I will be a bit more cautious around car doors.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

"Cluster" (read: "genius") headaches

It was 3 AM.  I was at work.  I was about to watch the latest episode of a television program I've been following on line when suddenly my head began to swim a little.  This became a milky dizziness, which became a fairly extreme and generalized headache.  This was accompanied by vertigo and nausea.  The nausea became so extreme that in a matter of minutes, vomiting was unavoidable, despite the fact that I hadn't eaten in more than 12 hours.  I stumbled down the hall, hand on the wall, to the bathroom, where I experienced the worst dry heaving of my three and a half decades on the earth.  The old axiom about retching did not hold true.  I did not feel any better when it was over.  A few minutes later I was ensconced in the office chair, trying to figure out a reason to go on living with my skull in a vice.  One hour later it was over.  Aside from a lingering haziness, it was as if it never happened.  I chalked it up to something I ate, or some fume inhaled, something.  And I let it go.  

A couple weeks later, I was at my parents' house, having consumed a wonderful meal, capped off with oreo ice cream.  I began to feel a little dizzy.  Then the pain.  Then the nausea, which, this time resulted in vomit splattering all over--ALL OVER--their bathroom.  I still don't know how I achieved that kind of blast radius.  The remainder of the evening saw me lying helpless in an easy chair, where I spent the night.  The next day all was well.  A little hazy, but fine.  

Since then, I've had blood work and an MRI (with and without contrast!).  I don't fret one second about the results of the tests, which are forthcoming.  But I do live in abject, absolute fear that the headache will return.  The Doctor called them "Cluster Headaches."  (Options two and three were Tumor and Slow Leaking Aneurysm, listed in order of likelihood.)

I don't care what it is.  It might even be, as illustrious artist/poet J. Sadler has hypothesized, "Genius Headaches."    Whatever it is, curses be upon it.  May it never recur.  

Monday, January 5, 2009

Desperado . . . when will you--oh God.

Academic and speculative fears have little place here. But I think this one is compelling enough to qualify.
My mother recently tried to make me watch Mamma Mia! -the movie based on the songs of 70's supergroup ABBA (sorry, I can't type a backwards "B"). I made it about 20 minutes, which is really saying something, since any sane person not filled to the brim with filial affection would run screaming after five, as the maleficent plan of the Great Satan to write this movie, get it made, and then inhabit the body of your mother and force you to watch her enjoy it, unrolled before your mind's horrified eye.

Even so, while the abject horribleness of this abomination did hurt, and hurt bad, it is not the subject currently at hand.
No, the real fear is that, given the suckcess of movies like Mamma Mia! and her sister flick "Across the Universe" (exclamation point optional), it is not unlikely--indeed, it is extremely probable--that at some future time, some future movie making demon will create and distribute a musical based on the MUSIC OF THE EAGLES.