Two For One Sale

I tried to think rationally: She was on The View, the show watched by the damned souls in Hell. But she was smart enough to get off that train, so that couldn't be it. I tried to convince myself that it was because of the horrifying company she keeps . . .

(Margaret Cho excluded, she's solidly talented, funny and beautiful)

I couldn't figure out the cause of the knot in my stomach at the sight of her, the sound of her voice, the mere mention of her name. Finally I realized: it was because of her resemblance to a certain nightmare image from my youth.

I am now totally convinced that Rosie O'Donnell is the queen mother of the oompa loompas. They hatch from eggs she lays, or something. And I am afraid.